


Not a goodbye

by kate_fy



Series: Frozen One Shots [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Family, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate_fy/pseuds/kate_fy
Summary: Gerda always knows what to say. This isn't the exception.
Series: Frozen One Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644952
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Not a goodbye

Her footsteps were light and soft as she made her way around the hall unnoticed - or so she hoped. Gerda sensed her the second her feet had touched the carpeted floor, a feeling of anguish leaving her chest. The walls were the same, the floors were the same. But nothing felt the same, everything had changed so fast it was terrifying. Especially for the old maid, who had become adjusted to the rhythm of this new life, this new reign. But now it was over and she felt helpless. 

The woman turned around as a cold breeze brushed her back, a smile growing on her face. It brought her back to when the now abdicated Queen was just a little girl - before she was afraid, before she became terrified of her own emotions and actions. She couldn’t help but remember the innocent girl holding her hand as they walked around the castle, a calmness and warmth emanating from her small body. Something Gerda always longed. After all, Elsa did always give the warmest hugs. 

‘’Gerda’’ Her voice was soft yet full of confidence. A gush of pride overclouded every pained feeling the maid was feeling. Watching firsthand how this anxious, fearful young lady became the confident and assured woman she was now, was something Gerda was the most grateful about. 

‘’Yes, your Highness?’’ Gerda replied, watching a frown settling in the young woman’s face. ‘’Everything’s okay?’’ 

Yet Elsa smiled, it was soft and warm. ‘’Your Highness sounds a little foreign still. Why don’t we stick to just Elsa?’’ 

And Gerda smiled, shaking her head. ‘’Can’t do it, your Highness. Protocol requires it and if I’m honest, I feel comfortable using it’’ 

‘’I don’t believe for one second you’d feel comfortable calling me your Highness’’ Elsa joked, touching the older woman’s arm. 

‘’I do, dear. Besides could you imagine going around the castle calling you just by your name? That’ll be disturbing’’ 

And somehow, Elsa’s warm and loving smile turned to a sad one. Gerda couldn’t explain it, but she felt like what was about to happen would mark and scar her heart forever. ‘’You won’t have to worry about that’’ Elsa quietly mumbled, like a scared child hiding away some mischief. 

‘’How’s that, Ma’am?’’ 

‘’Walk with me Gerda, won’t you?’’ She asked, pointing at the hall. She wasn’t planning on explaining to anyone but Anna the reasons behind her abdication. Everyone thought it was because of her new role as the fifth spirit but there was more. Elsa knew there was more and lying to herself and to the people she trusted the most was something she’d refuse to do. Not again. Not ever. 

They walked in silence for a little bit, until they found Elsa’s old room. The young girl opened the door, allowing the maid to enter. A wave of flashbacks drowned her, as she remembered everything the four walls held, all the pain and all the sorrow, cries and screams. It was terrifying for her to think how much energy a room could have and even though she would've expected this to be heavy, it wasn’t. Not anymore. 

‘’There were times when I thought I would never be able to leave this room’’ Elsa started, her back to Gerda as she glanced over the window. The maid made her way next to the girl, who sat down on the windowsill, motioning the woman to do the same. 

‘’Yet you did’’ 

‘’I did. But this room... it holds something I can’t quite describe. I wouldn’t call it a place of healing per se, but it does bring me the peace of knowing that while I did suffer, the sun did shine after the long storm. Just like you told me all those years ago’’ 

Gerda looked at her with a shocked expression. ‘’You remember?’’ She asked and smiled instantly. ‘’Of course you do, your Highness. Why wouldn’t you?’’ 

‘’It was important to me. When I felt alone and unloved, undeserving of everything I received even if it wasn’t enough, you still had words for me that kept me sane. And those words have stuck with me, giving me the hope I sometimes needed so desperately’’ Elsa smiled, grabbing the woman’s hand. 

Her hands were shockingly warm and Gerda was surprised at how much control her little girl had. Well, not so little anymore. 

Elsa continued. ‘’You’re special to me, to us. A role of a mother should never have to be fulfilled and it will never be, but for a reason you did a pretty good job at being there for us in the motherly way we needed. I will forever be thankful for it. And I regret to have waited ‘till now to make you know’’ 

Gerda smiled, a tear falling down her cheek. ‘’I couldn’t leave any of you. I thought being a maid for you, dearest Elsa, was a piece of cake. You were the calmest, loving and understanding little girl. Everything was easy. You didn’t need much, except a few warm hugs before every meal and every night. But when Anna came to the picture, I thought I was going to lose my mind’’ Elsa giggled softly, her eyes sparkling with joy. ‘’I found myself running behind her, down the stairs, following you two everywhere. And after what happened, after you two were separated, I bowed myself I wouldn’t let any of you feel alone and desperate. And while I felt like a failed a little, I now know for a fact I didn’t failed completely’’ 

The woman caressed Elsa’s face, an old habit of intimacy Gerda had missed. They stayed like that for a few seconds, falling into a comfortable silence. ‘’I’m leaving’’ 

Gerda sat straight, retrieving her hand from the girl’s face and grabbing her arm. ‘’Leaving where?’’ 

‘’To live in the forest. I found my calling, I found my freedom and the place that makes me feel at home, closer to Mother’’ Elsa explained, watching the frown in the older woman deepen. ‘’Gerda?’’ 

‘’Somehow I knew that having you here being a princess and helping your sister become the good Queen she’s meant to be was too good to be true’’ She said sadly, tears welled up in her eyes. ‘’You didn’t feel _home_ here?’’ The woman shyly asked, making Elsa smile. 

‘’Of course, I did. So many people I care about and love lives here. I grew up here but I-’’ Elsa tried to explain but stopped once she realized how shallow her excuses sounded in her mind. She loved this place, there was no doubt of that. 

Gerda smiled back, understanding deeply the girl’s conflicted heart. Even though Elsa was a master at concealing and hiding away her feelings and emotions, Gerda always knew. She could read the young girl’s eyes like an open book, because even though Elsa felt comfortable concealing and not feeling, she knew deep down that she wanted to be noticed, to be held and loved. The maid sighed, grabbing the young girl’s hands. ‘’You were trapped between four walls your entire life. Felt encaged and repressed. This place while it may shelter the people you love the most, it also harbors your pained past, your fears and insecurities. And I know you are way past that. _I see_ _you_ , Elsa’’ The girl smiled at the use of her name. So simple. ‘’You felt comfortable but encaged still. And now, you’re free. The kind of freedom you always looked for, always waited, always dreamed of’’ 

‘’Still makes me feel guilty’’ 

‘’Leaving? Or leaving Anna with the responsibility of a Kingdom that flourishes because of your good leadership?’’ Gerda added, smirking at the girl. Elsa smiled. 

‘’I grew up knowing my place in the throne. Everything I did was knowing that it the life chosen for me. Anna didn’t. She’s a free spirit, loving and caring. I don’t want this to ruin or change her’’ Elsa feared, letting go of Gerda’s grip and hugging herself. 

The old woman smiled sadly and for a second, she forgot the girl sitting next to her was now grown up. She still looked like a shy, scared little girl who needed all the support in the world. ‘’Anna’s strong. Stronger than everyone thinks. She’ll be okay as long as you’re okay’’ 

Elsa smiled, her shoulders visibly relaxing. ‘’Thank you, you always know what to say’’ 

‘’Years of practice, sweetheart’’ Gerda joked. ‘’Now, let me tell you something. This is still your home, not because you leave to live in the forest, means you’re not welcomed here. I know we’ll see each other every now and then, after all I know for a fact your sister will drag you here every week for charades night, and also how much you two love chocolate. You can’t fully live without it, the child in you won’t let you’’ 

And Elsa smiled widely, jumping into the warm embrace of the maid that had been with her through every step of the way. Through the scary parts and the happy ones. She felt contained, loved and secured in the arms of Gerda, the closest she did to her mother’s own embrace. 

‘'I’m leaving now. I didn’t want to leave without saying anything to you’’ 

‘’It’s okay sweetie. Just remember, you might be the fifth spirit, all sparkly and goddess-like but you were _always glowing_ , dear, it’s just that you couldn’t see it’’. 

**Author's Note:**

> Do I suck at coming up with titles for my works? Yes. I still try guys, I swear I do.  
> I love Gerda and I wish she was a main character in the movies, idc what the directors say.  
> Anyway, let's toast because I wrote something that wasn't angst lol I still have some save up, don't panic.


End file.
